Pulchritudinem Caesorum
by FrauRiace
Summary: (Sequel to Sic Semper Noctibus.) Four has had an epiphany, and he has something very important to tell Amar. However, the arrival of the Erudite at Dauntless puts a stop to his plans. (TW: mentions of abuse)


I stand in front of the mirror quietly, the only lightbulb flickering above me, rocking back and forth on its sinewy, exposed copper cord. My reflection is a pretty accurate representation of me: my hair is messy and ruffled from where I was lying in bed tonight; my eyes are still half-closed and slightly red.

I know I shouldn't be awake, worrying about these sorts of things, but it has still disturbed me since two months ago. _That_ incident caused me to go deeper within myself and analyze myself as I had never felt entitled to do. And though it was a shocking way for someone to feel in Abnegation, here it's acknowledged as a part of some people.

 _Look, Four..._

I run my hands through my bushy, dark hair and sigh audibly. Why...?

 _I may be your instructor..._

I'm not worth it. I've never been worth it. Not even my own father- my _blood father_ –was capable of caring for me. All I got from him was a basketful of hatred and scars on my back.

 _I love you, Four!_

Those words have haunted me for thirty-two days, if the clock above my head is right. Ticking over to midnight, it taunts me. "Little Tobias," it seems to say, "you mustn't attach yourself to him so! He's over this broken little boy by now! This boy who cowers at his father..."

I punch the mirror. My knuckles drip bright red blood into the sink, and it burns like hell, but I don't care. If I can invent monsters even from a simple wall clock, then I certainly don't deserve his love.

He wouldn't believe me anyways- not if I told him I'd realized that what I felt for him was more than what I'd thought.

 **(skip)**

It is morning now. I have since recovered from last night's incident. My hand is wrapped in gauze, and I don't know what I'll say if someone asks where I hurt myself.

"Four! What happened to you?"

Well, damn. The person I least wanted to speak to.

...Well, no, I suppose not. I've decided that I'll do as he did. I'll speak my feelings earnestly, even if he despises me for it. I hurt him, so it's only natural that he hurt me back.

"Hey, you look like you've got something on your mind. You wanna talk about it at breakfast?" Amar suddenly asks, shaking me out of my reverie.

I glance up quickly.

"I-"

But I find that my throat has closed up on me.

"Four...?"

I smile grimly. Amar stares queerly at me for a moment before an unfamiliar voice rings over the loudspeaker.

"Amar Bhattacharya and..."

The enigma pauses.

"And...Four...please report to the simulation room."

Ah. I see why. They must be from another faction. But why...?

Amar grabs my arm tightly. I look up, and he's visibly shaking. Tears are welling up in his eyes.

"Amar!" I yell.

I vigorously shake the man standing beside me. " _Amar!_ " I repeat. "What's wrong?!"

Amar pulls me closer to him by my shoulder.

" _Listen_ to me, Four. Whatever you do, don't _show them_ ," he hisses.

I stand there for a moment, completely unaware of the outside world, floating in my own plane. Could he mean...?

Yes. The Erudite have finally found us.

 **(skip)**

I step out of the simulation room, shaking but alive. The Erudite attendants smirk at each other knowingly as I come through the door. They saw. They saw my most secret of fears.

"Please don't tell the others," I whisper.

The blonde woman- the leader of Erudite, Jeanine Williams –smiles and pushes her glasses up her nose. "Of course not, child," she replies reassuringly. But I see a strange glint in her eye, one that can only mean bad things.

That's when I realize what's missing. I feel all warmth drain from my face. Suddenly I'm screaming and whirling about frantically.

"Wh-where's Amar?! He came out bef-"

Jeanine raises a hand calmly. "We had to retain him for future testing. He sparked our natural curiosity, you see." She smirks that evil, Erudite sneer that I've seen several times before. And that's when I know...

They found him.


End file.
